Handout 6 3 comparing the three types of communication

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The Conflict Solution

Handout 6.3: Comparing the Three Types of Communication

Nonassertive Behavior Assertive Behavior

Aggressive Behavior

Keeps things in; doesn't Uses "I" statements speak up

Uses "You" statements

Suppresses own rights Asserts own rights,

and needs

needs, desires

Expresses own rights at expense of others

Denies need to make others like him/her or approve

Tries to get needs met Gets needs met, but at

while not violating rights others' expense; puts

of others

others down in the

process

Permits others to

Sets limits and priorities Violates rights of others

infringe on his/her rights

Emotionally dishonest, indirect, inhibited, approval seeking

Confident, calm, secure Honest without tact; bluntly direct; selfrighteous

Self-denying

Chooses for self

Chooses for others

Emotional Costs of Nonassertion

Emotional Benefits of Assertion

Emotional Costs of Aggression

Feels hurt, anxious, afraid of others' reactions

Is confident, selfrespecting; feels good about self

Feels angry, indignant, righteous

Self-blame

Self-affirmation

Blame, criticism, and judgment of others

Payoffs of Nonassertion Payoffs of Assertion

Payoffs of Aggression

Does not "make waves"; avoids conflict

Relationships are open and honest

Feels as if justice has been served; feels superior to others

Shies away from taking Feels satisfied about

risks

expressing self

Keeps others at a distance

Is people pleasing; avoids having others gets mad at him/her

Not obligated by what people think

Might get his/her own way, despite infringing on others' rights

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